(Note: Post was written in a hollow mood, initially, but positivity injected itself into it at the end)
No, I am not [perfect].
I have weaknesses, just like everyone else.
And I too, try to work on my weaknesses, and be better, just like most people would (I’d think?).
My weaknesses may be different from yours. Some may think more highly of me because perhaps they have seen less of my weaknesses, or my weaknesses may not be weaknesses in their eyes. Some may think less highly of me because perhaps they have seen more of my weaknesses, or they have seen more of me when I’m not at my best.
Nonetheless, what I’m trying to say is that…
Everyone has shortcomings, to different types and extents. When I was younger, I used to think worldly of some people around me, that some are so perfect, never wrong, never once rude or angry, never once judging. But then as I grow up, I realize that hey, that’s not quite the case.
Now, I know what my weaknesses are.
I know it because I tend to reflect on my doings, the good and not so good ones. However, I may not always act on them. I know it also because a few loved ones and kind-hearted souls out there would tell me. And I like it when they do, it keeps me in check when at times I can’t, myself.
For one, I am a pretty transparent person. When I’m happy, it shows in my face. When I’m sad, for whatever reason, it shows too. In short, more often than not, I allow my emotions to “take over” my being. While some may like it because it would mean I am honest and least I don’t “fake” my expressions, but some may not as it would affect the mood of my surrounding. I have to manage this part of me, I know. And it’s about striking the right balance. Be transparent, but in a controlled way.
When I’m tired, I may not be at my best self. In the mornings especially (I’m not a morning person), when my parents would greet me cheerfully, and I would just hastily rush off to work. When I’m back from work, knackered, I would also disregard the compassion shown around me at home, and just head straight into my room. And sad to say, at times I would even reply my loved ones in a rather “annoyed” tone 😦
When I have other thoughts in my head, created often by my “thinking too much” brain dammit, instead of saying what’s on my mind (like I would always do), I sometimes just keep quiet and zone out. Which can be disrespectful to the people around me, I know, I know. At times when I keep quiet, know that it’s because I want to avoid saying things which I would regret.
All these said, the shortcomings you read of mine so far are ones you relate it to a person’s being, and not shortcomings related to a person’s integrity and values. I’m very much a black-and-white person (in a nutshell: straight) so in terms of integrity and values, not an issue.
Human relationships are important to me, as you can probably gauge from how I’ve been expressing myself here.
And now you may ask, why am I so “daring” to expose what I lack?
I guess, after thinking hard, I really do not mind being known as someone who’s… still very much human. Someone who, yes, has strengths but also strong and confident enough to admit on things she could largely improve on.
For no matter how much we try to improve, sometimes we fall back down. Or slip. But that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. With the mistakes we make and shortcomings we have, yes, our loved ones would forgive and accept and still love us. But we should not ever take that for granted.
On this note, I’d like to apologize for anything I’ve done that could have possibly be on your wrong side. Know that if anything, I do not mean it.